The F-word: My 8 year old daughter's thoughts on "Fat"

I have been rather happy with my weight for some time now. I have struggled most of my pre-teen and teen years; not with my weight, but with my body image. I don't post numbers- not weight, dress size, comparison's to others (when not necessary for a point)- because I don't want to trigger other people and because I don't think it is necessary to talk about in most conversations, but suffice to say, no one would be likely to think that I had any reason to lose weight. No one, that is, except for my 8 year old daughter.

This week, she told me that if she were as big as I am, she would go on herbal magic. When I tell this story to people who know me, they seem to find it funny... possibly because I am so small that the comment seems ridiculous, but I don't find it funny at all.

We talked quite a bit about it afterward. I even showed her "photoshop disasters" (I use quotes because I could argue that merely using photoshop is disastrous) in order to explain how images that she sees in the media are not real. The bodies that she sees every day on tv and print ads, the ones that she is supposed to aspire to look like, are heavily edited.

But still, she thinks that all girls need to be as skinny as they can.

Now, normally in my posts I try to use polite language, to let my message get the point across, but not this time. This time, I am really pissed off.

Fuck you teletoon for showing my daughter weight loss commercials that tell her that fat people are miserable until they get skinny.
Fuck you media more generally for showing her so few variations of the female body; for presenting her with a very specific acceptable female body type.
And fuck you patriarchal capitalist social relations for teaching my 8 year old that her worth as a human being is forever linked to the numbers on the scale or the size of her dress.

Hearing her say things things hurts in a way that I can't even begin to describe. It doesn't hurt my feelings that she calls me fat... I'm rather thick skinned. It gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach to think about what this is doing to her, what she is learning, how easily she internalizes these messages about what girls are and what they are supposed to be.

But what can I do about it? Talking to her probably helps, but it doesn't seem to be working. No matter how loudly I tell her that it doesn't matter, there are thousands of voices telling her that it does. They are louder; she doesn't believe me when so much goes against what I say. She is starting to believe that she is not good enough, but then, how can she be? How can anyone be good enough when the images aren't real?

I need some advice about other things I can do to try and get this message across... any good books or videos appropriate for an 8 year old girl?

Dear radio commercial,

Can you please refrain from making any more jokes about women and their shoes? Yes, we get it... women on TV (and presumably, some women in real life) enjoy wearing cute shoes. But is it really necessary for the company selling snowmobiles to tell us to imagine how many pairs of shoes the $2800 in savings will buy us? Or for the shoe store ad that followed to tell us that high heels are a sign of class? Someone should have told that to Karl Marx... here he was doing a complex analysis of capitalism, when he really should have been looking at women's feet this whole time...

Rest assured that if I am going to spent thousands of dollars on any item, if I will be measuring the savings based on a sale price, it will be in dollars, not shoes... and this is coming from someone who owns about 20 pairs of shoes (which I think is a lot).

I am trying to imagine a similar commercial directed towards men... what would the savings be measured in... beer? I like beer more than I like shoes...

New iphone commercials

For the past couple of weeks, there have been iphone commercials playing on television that have been bothering me a little bit. In these commercials, a female has some kind of change to her appearance (braces / haircut) and needs validation from a male before they can be happy with their new look.





Yes, it is a cute haircut, and she does look good even with braces, but I just wish they could decide this for themselves without needing their appearance to be validated by a man... or even getting that validation from a female friend or mother (instead of father and boyfriend) would be slightly less patriarchal in my opinion, even if it were only on some of the commercials...

As a sidenote, I have had the exact same hair situation that she talks about... I went in for a bob and left with more of a pixie cut, but even with reassurance from various men (and women) that I know, I wasn't happy with it until I had time to adjust to the new look.

Another Montessouri ad

I just saw another bench today that compares to the one I previously posted advertising for Montessouri Schools. I am going to skip details about the school, but I do have a class analysis at the previous link, which was further discussed here.


Sorry about the image quality, but it was taken from a cell phone camera in a moving vehicle. The ad reads

1 to 8 VS. 1 to 30.
You do the Math. Our students can.

This refers to class size and student teacher ratios... Of course, it doesn't mention that they can afford to have extra teachers because parents are paying for their children to attend these schools, where as the government has been cutting funds to public schools.

This suggests that public school classes are too big and public school teachers are overworked, I agree so far. But rather than actually doing anything about it or trying to get additional funding to public schools, middle to upper class families should merely put their children in a private school and leave the large class sizes for the children whose families cannot afford this "better" education...

Who needs social mobility when the status quo is so much more advantageous to the elite who write our social policy and decide how much funding to put into our schools... all while sending their children to private institutions.

And, to add insult to injury, they need to include a comment implying that public school students cannot do simple math.

Gasoline ad from 1962 melting glaciers

This is a gasoline ad for a petroleum company in life magazine in 1962. It shows pretty much the exact opposite image of that which petroleum companies are trying to show today.


It's hard to read, so here is the transcript

EACH DAY HUMBLE SUPPLIES ENOUGH ENERGY TO MELT 7 MILLION TONS OF GLACIER!

This giant glacier has remained unmelted for centuries. Yet, the petroleum energy Humble supplies- if converted into heat- could melt it at the rate of 80 tons each second! To meet the nation's growing needs for energy, Humble has applied science to nature's resources to become America's Leading Energy Company. Working wonders with oil through research, Humble provides energy in many forms- to help heat our homes, power our transportation, and to furnish industry with a great variety of versatile chemicals. Stop at a Humble station for new Enco Extra gasoline, and see why the "Happy Motoring" sign is the World's First Choice!

Now that we are aware that the glaciers are actually melting, and that our reliance on oil and gas is a large part of why that is occurring, the ad is no longer effective in selling the company.

Needlessly gendered children's product

This category could go on indefinitely, but I just want to show a few toys from a Sears catalog that was just delivered. First, in the 'Outdoor Summer Fun' section are two pool loungers.


Although I will concede that the toys are not identical and possibly not designed to be a male and female version of the same toy, they are advertised as such by being the only two options of pool loungers and are featured right next to each other. The lounger on the left features Buzz Lightyear (a character often depicted on toys designed for boys) and shows a boy playing on a police boat style lounger. The toy involves active play; you get to spray people with what the website describes as water-blasting cannon, a type of toy weapon.

The girls version, however, involves no active play. The girl is lounging in the chair smiling at her Barbie, as the chair offers a specific lounge area for a Barbie doll. The girl is also posed very similarly to how adult swimsuit models might pose, and takes up very little space with her legs curled up.

My daughter is very "girly" in that she loves Barbies and the colour pink (grrr), but, I have to say that, if we had the luxury of a swimming pool, she would definitely prefer the Buzz Lightyear lounger. She would likely get bored of watching Barbie lounge after a few minutes, and unless her Barbie had special water cannon protection powers, she would be defenseless to her brother's water-blasting cannon attack.

A sleeping bag on the same page was needlessly gendered in that it offered the exact same products, but as either a Soccer theme, or a Fairy Princess.


Both have identical items (sleeping bag, flashlight, water bottle, keychain, whistle, etc), but the girls one has to be distinct from the boys sleeping bag with pretty colors. My son is involved in soccer (and my daughter would be too if they didn't make the 7 year olds play until 9pm on schoolnights). In my city, soccer is usually co-ed until early teens and girls and women are well represented on competitive and recreational teams, so I'm not sure why the bags have to be gendered in this way.

I also find it interesting that the "boys" version is based on something kids do whereas the girls version is something that they wish to be and requires no obvious doing on thier part.

Edited to add:

I just found another picture, this time from a book club that came home from school

(the bottom outside pictures)

The girls book gives them "easy instructions and ideas for tiaras, sparkly masks, presents, and more!" because girls need things simple, like things that are pretty and sparkly, and enjoy being generous. The boys book has "ideas and instructions for mummies, masks and more!" because boys don't need their instructions to be easy or their masks to be sparkly.

Love your body, but...

The topic for the May 2010 issue of Best Health Magazine is "Love Your Body"

I really liked the cover- it does feature nudity, but I believe the model looks very healthy and she is not posed in a way to conform to the male gaze.


The stories featured in the magazine, however, do not really contribute to loving your own body so much as making your body conform as much as possible to how women are "supposed" to look.

Examples of stories include:
6 weeks to summer abs
Clothes to flatter your figure
Fat be gone?
How Canada is fighting obesity
Shape up after baby
Talking to kids about body image
Flat-Belly foods

I refuse to purchase magazines, even for blogging purposes, so I can only comment on the stories shown in the preview here, but they do not seem to be telling women to love their bodies so much as it is trying to "help" women get bodies that they would love.



By "flatter your figure" what they really mean is make your figure look as close as possible to how women are "supposed" to look.


I like the health component of this article. It states that what makes these foods "flat-belly" foods is low calories and rich nutritional value. The problem is that it is not being presented to women as eating healthy foods for the sake of being healthy, it is being presented as a way of getting a smaller stomach.

This particular issue of the magazine probably does better than most at trying to get women to love their bodies, but it would be really great if they could try and get this message across without normative messages about what type of body women are supposed to have. I am also tempted to go to a local bookstore just to see how many of the images and advertisements throughout the magazine feature women different types of bodies... in these magazines you often find the "you are beautiful just the way you are" articles wedged between ads that exclusively feature super skinny models.

Interesting Billboard: What is your role?

I just saw this billboard while driving and was pleasantly surprised and impressed to see something like this displayed on a busy highway in my hometown.


It says (in both English and French):
End Violence Against Women
What is YOUR role? (featuring a generic male figure)
www.coalitiontoendviolence.ca

I also found this ad, which is posted on buses around the city


According to their website,

The committee actively works towards eliminating the social, political and economic conditions that perpetuate violence against women... while respecting special needs of children and men survivors. The Coalition is committed to ensuring that services are accessible by supporting existing resources, identifying gaps and promoting prevention through education and awareness.

I wish I wasn't so surprised to see something like this happening so close to home. I am currently not sure what exactly this group has accomplished, or help they can offer survivors, but I really like the attempt to identify gaps in the system, as well as the public awareness campaign.

I especially like that it isn't showing violence as an act that is committed by a few pathological/criminal male figures to helpless female victims, but is showing a complex interplay of relationships between people, especially in the bus ad. It is acknowledging that everyone has a role in systemic violence against women (as well as violence against children and men). And it specifically mentions social, political, and economic conditions as factors!

Definitely a step in the right direction. Every one of us should take a few minutes to think about our role within various hierarchies of privilege and oppression on a regular basis.

Eyelashes and moral regulation

Nicole gave me the box for this "Bad Gal" mascara, which came with a sample pack of make up that you get for shopping at a specific store.



What I want to know is whether "bad girls" have different eyelashes than "good girls." What makes one a "bad girl?" Long eyelashes is supposed to be alluring, so does being alluring and seductive make a woman bad? It plays into the Madonna/whore complex, in which there are only two types of women- good women and bad women.

Madonna (a biblical reference, not to be confused with the popstar) represents "good" "pure" and "well-behaved" women. These women do not have sexuality, and therefore, do not need alluring eyelashes. The "whore" is supposed to represent sexual women. What is most problematic is that within this dichotomy is that all women that do not follow the "good girl" rules end up being seen as bad, as is evidenced in the double standards imposed on women's behavior.

Like this product, a general theme throughout pop culture involves playing into this stereotype rather than trying to change expectations regulating women's behavior. As a result, women (and, increasingly, young girls) want to conform to standards of beauty and behavior that are imposed on them by this norm- for more on this, see the book "Female Chauvinist Pigs". As women's sexuality becomes less taboo, it is less stigmatizing to be a "bad girl" but it I don't like that the category still exists. A lot of TV shows and movies portray female characters as either "good," meaning asexual, motherly, or if they are sexually active, it is only within the bounds of a long-term monogamous relationship or "bad" women, meaning sexually active, deceptive, generally seducing poor men who can't help but fall for them.

Despite the name of this product, I think that long and thick eyelashes have become a beauty standard that women are expected to have regardless of their behavior within this dichotomy. Eyelashes that are "inadequate" by dominant standards are now considered a medical problem requiring prescription medication! At very least, needing medication to "fix" this "problem" seems to break away from the previously mentioned dichotomy, but it does so because there is money to be made by drug companies who want as large of a consumer base as possible (as do companies selling mascara). This medication also has side effects, such as the permanent darkening of the iris, which sounds a bit dangerous to me.. if you had blue or green eyes, they could turn brown, and if you had brown eyes, they could get darker. It entirely blurs the distinction between beauty aids and health care.

I wonder how many men have felt as though they needed a medication to thicken their eyelashes... or have purchased products which labelled them as "bad" because of a desire to conform to dominant standards of beauty.

Some Assembly Required...

Usually, in the context of this blog, I find negative images and criticize them because of an aspect that I find discriminatory in some way. Today, I thought I would post a positive image, and talk about why it is good instead of why it is bad.

I was out trying to price a new desk for my daughter (and of course that involves going to every new and used furniture store because I don't want to pay a dollar more than I have to) and I found this tag attached to some of the products at one of the stores...

Notice that it is a woman with a tool box next to the caption "this item requires assembly!" First, I think it is great that they don't go to the default male for such "manly" jobs as building furniture. And secondly, I think it is really great that they don't try to sell the woman as an object (yes, they often do that even with cartoons). She is still thin and whatnot, but she is not overly sexual- actually, at first I thought it was a man in the picture.

Although, I wonder if putting this type of tag on, where a woman is capable of building the furniture, serves to sell more products by making the build seem like a less daunting tasks to potential consumers... especially female ones..

Either way, I happen to like this picture, at least in comparison to images of women that are often present in advertising.

And the number one answer is....

From a rerun of Family Feud

Question:
Name something they put in beer commercials to (host was cut off by contestant buzzing in)-

Answer:
Beautiful girls

And that was the number one answer, with 91 out of the 100 people surveyed answering "Hot Women"

It certainly says something about our culture when the host doesn't even have to finish the question, but I think the most telling part is that with 91% of respondents giving the same answer, people are aware of the way women are being portrayed in advertisements. People are fully aware that women's bodies are being used as tools to sell items for already rich companies, like those that sell beer. Does this mean that people largely don't think it is a problem?