Fat phobia in children's programming

My daughter loves watching Suite Life with Zack and Cody. It is a show about twin boys who go to school on a cruise ship. There are a lot of things about the show that annoy me to the point where I am ready to ban the show in our house.

What I like about the show is that the girls on it are not that concerned about boys. One of them is funny, smart, and concerned about things like schoolwork and her family back home on the farm. Another female character is only concerned about looks and her father's money, and her character London Tipton is based on real-life Paris Hilton... annoying in a lot of ways, but at least she doesn't change herself to get boys to like her (unlike Hannah Montana, for example).

The boys, however, are constantly objectifying their female peers. Todays episode got my attention because it was a somewhat humorous parody of Star Trek. The ending, however, left much to be desired.

One of the twin boys woke up on a beach and was overjoyed that he had finally made it to "bikini island." "Bring on the babes!" was one of his objectifying exclamations. However, the girl that appeared was not what he would describe as a "babe." It was an overweight older woman in a shiny gold bikini. At this point he screamed and tried to jump back into space to get away from her (the scene is on youtube here, 9 minutes in)

I don't know where to begin analyzing the message that this is telling children. It seems that my daughter cannot get a break from being told that her value as a human being is attached to how she looks.

Don't tell me to smile

For as long as I can remember, people have been telling me to smile on a regular basis. Strangers walk up to me in the street and tell me that I look sad and should smile. Usually it is men telling me to smile, but not always (a really drunk woman stopped me and my partner at Pride right before the dyke march to tell me how sad I looked when I actually felt excited about the march). Casual acquaintances have often told me that I looked upset or have made comments about how good I look when I'm smiling, which I see as an attempt to make me smile more often (because, being female, of course I always want to look my best).

The thing is, I am rarely sad or upset. That is just my normal facial expression. I wonder if people would say the same thing if I were male - is it that being female, I am supposed to be pleasant? Although I think gender is a factor, I'm sure it happens to men as well, although probably not as often as comments from strangers.

And I am not talking about people who seem to be genuinely concerned and ask if I am ok - that doesn't bother me at all. I am talking about the guy that comes up to me in public and tells me to smile or the co-worker who tells me that I need to smile more often or the stranger who comes up to me on the street and asks why I am sad. The thing is, if I actually am sad for whatever reason, telling me to smile is not going to make me happy. It just makes me self-conscious about whether I look upset and annoyed that people feel they can comment on my appearance.

I have been reflecting on this today, and I'm really not sure why. It has been a few weeks since someone has told me to smile (possibly because I have barely left the house). But I made a connection today that I think should have been clear a long time ago. Maybe it is linked to having aspergers (I have a tentative diagnosis at this point). I have read that it is quite common for people with AS to look upset when they are contemplative, and I do tend to get lost in my own thoughts a lot. Smiling, even when I am happy, sometimes feels forced or strange. Sometimes I feel kind of like a robot (which is probably why I feel like I can relate to characters like Data or Seven of Nine from Star Trek or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory). When I am in a new environment and not in control of some of my self-calming behaviors (like rocking), even my partner can have trouble telling if I am coping, and that is understandable because I guess I can be hard to read... but she has never told me to smile or to cheer up.

If you are genuinely concerned about whether or not I am ok, or if I am crying or doing something that really suggests that I am actually distressed in some way, by all means, ask me if I am alright (like the person who, very respectfully, asked if he could get me some water or something when I was clearly freaking out about the noise and the number of people in the room at the biphobia survey launch party last weekend- thank you!). But if you do not know me or I am just staring off into space or something, it is probably best to leave me be... and DO NOT tell me to smile.

victim blaming on a feminist blog; re. celebrity nude photos

I just saw this post come up on my facebook newsfeed from a feminist blog that I used to read on occasion that engaged in victim blaming.

Apparently, there were a bunch of celebrities who have had nude pictures stolen fairly recently, and Scarlett Johansen was one of the victims of this theft. The post, after explaining what had transpired came up with a really good point, and then a really poor one, in my opinion.

But in any case, we really need to take a look at this fucked up situation: Hackers are targeting women, making their personal business public. But also: These women are taking naked pictures of themselves in an era when no personal information is safe. WTF.

It is a huge problem that this targets women, and it says something about sexism and objectification when it is pictures of the bodies of women that are being taken and put on display as though they were public property.

However, I don't think the second sentence is appropriate for a feminist blog. Lots of people have taken nude photos of themselves, and doing so is not justification for what has happened here.

Is it just me, or is telling women that taking these pictures puts them at risk similar to saying that dressing a certain way puts you at risk of assault... granted, there is the key difference that if no such pictures exist, they cannot be stolen, but women have a right not to have their computers hacked into and their personal photos taken and made public. And if this does happen, it is not in any way their fault for having those pictures in the first place.

Why I have not been blogging lately...

I have not been writing much at all lately in any capacity. I have gone through a phase where I have felt too jaded to write... too pissed off with leftist allies and a little bit in shock over realizing that those divisions that I have read about are true - the divisions between leftist activists whose approaches are so different that they are unable to find a way to work together.

I am going through a huge transition right now, as far as my own politics are concerned. I still have the same political beliefs as I have been writing about for the past two years, but whereas I used to take on every way that I could think of to try and put those beliefs to action and work towards some kind of meaningful change, I have become withdrawn. I don't want to be a stereotypical academic leftist that does nothing to contribute to change, but I need to negotiate how much of myself I can give before losing myself entirely... here's why.

I have been engaged in union work for a few years now in various capacities. Our local just had a CA ratification vote, and I was entirely against the proposed agreement. I feel as though tactics that were used to pass the agreement were very questionable, such as requests for a general membership meeting before the vote being denied and the vote itself being held only a few weeks before the membership returned from various activities making it impossible to reach many of them. The vote itself did not contravene the law or union constitution in any way, but in my opinion, the process was unethical. And the more I spoke out about it, the more I felt as though I were being pushed away, quieted, left out of further decision making processes... which only made things worse. So now I have to decide whether I want to continue to be involved in this type of work.

I have been putting off the decision this month. I have been on sick leave for medical issues that are not necessarily related to the past month's events but were likely exasperated by them. I have spent the month watching television, reading novels, napping... trying to take care of myself and get my health back together. I am still not allowed to drive or ride a bike, which makes it difficult to get anything done.

But now I am getting to a point where I am ready to start facing the question of how I wish to proceed with my activism in the immediate future. Sometimes I have felt as though I am one of the only people in a room being critical of certain things (such as by not fully endorsing the NDP at union conventions) and that feeling of fighting alone is exhausting. I do have allies, there are other activists in my area with similar beliefs, but mostly, any activities seem to fall back to NDP cheerleading or liberal rhetoric, such as notions of 'choice' or 'trust'. I don't have the energy to call these publicly every time they occur anymore, but I feel that these ideas do need to be challenged and built upon to create something bigger.

I was hoping to find this community when I move for my PhD, but it looks like I might be putting that off for a year. I could be here for as much as 2 more years, so I need to work some of these things out. I need to find ways to use my energy to do things that will be meaningful and won't feel like I am trying to fight a losing battle or compromising my own beliefs.

Yet another facebook meme

I just wanted to quickly post this because it annoyed me. The facebook status that I have seen posted twice today states that...

Women are all born angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly . . . on a broomstick. Be warned -- we are flexible like that.
Keep this post going girls :-)

This is remeniscent of the Madonna/whore dichotomy (which is usually more explicitly tied to women's sexuality, but not necessarily so)... this idea of "good" woman and "bad" woman. In this case, women are all either angels or witches... there is no in between.

We are all born angels, which to me, seems to signify this idea of innocence that is ruined by people hurting us... I'm assuming by people, the meme is referring to men. This idea of childhood purity or innocence in the notion that we are born "angels" really concerns me. It seems to assume that women's "natural state" is to be kind, gentle, caring, nurturing... traits that are not assumed of men through notions of masculinity (think "boys will be boys").

This means that women who conform to the Madonna role, the nurturing/motherly role, the role of girl you would like to bring home to meet your parents... that woman is representative of what women should be. The "bad girl" character that I'm sure we are all familiar with seeing throughout the mass media is damaged. Someone must have hurt her for her to deviate from her natural good girl role... It is all bullshit.

I'm pretty sure the message is meant to be more empowering to women in some way - that it is supposed to tell women not to be docile or to let people take advantage of you, that it is ok to be a 'witch' when somebody 'breaks your wings'. In that respect, there is an aspect to it that I do think is clever... I just think that it is draws far too much from these binary notions that can really hurt women, in the long run.

So much for "neutrality" within the media...

There was a terrible article posted in the Sudbury Star about a rally yesterday, linked here. The biggest issue I have with it is that they only interviewed the people who were part of the pro-"life" demonstration and didn't interview a single pro-choice activist.

I will write more about the rally itself later, but for now, this article. A group called Show the 'Truth' (I can't write it without putting truth in quotes or something because what they show is far from the truth) sent a bus full of people here to display graphic pictures on the side of a busy road about what they think abortion looks like. We got a small group of pro-choice activists to protest their event. Here are some quotes from the article...

At first, Connell said she thought the pro-choice demonstrators were aggressive, but said they eventually stood quietly.

This quote is entirely misinformed and should never have been published. At first, there was me and one other person there (a third had gone to get coffee). Two of us were holding a pro-choice banner when a busload of anti-choice activists pulled up with their signs and set up around us. We felt somewhat threatened by their presence as they kept closing in on us and squishing us into one particular street corner.

By the time there were about five of us there, they sent a few people to engage us in a debate in which they told us that we were supporting genocide and that by being pro-abortion we were also (obviously) pro-holocaust and we must support apartheid in South Africa as well. They had video cameras in our faces and would not stop recording us, even when we asked them to. We asked them to move away from us and we entirely stopped talking to them, and they just stood in front of us, blocking our sign and saying that they had every right to be there too.

One of the event organizers called the police afterwards, and we were told that if we wanted to protest a rally, we should do so far away from them or not complain about them getting in our personal space or filming us... but we were there first, so that makes no sense.

I'm sorry, but how does a bus load of people feel intimidated by 2 young women?

"There was a girl who got quite worked up," Connell said.

I'm not sure if they are referring to me here when I told them off after they said I supported nazi Germany, or if they are referring to my friend A, who started yelling at a man who was trying to engage one of our protesters in a physical fight, but I can assure you, they were as "worked up" as we were.

Also, can someone explain this one to me please... on the megaphone, they said (and I am paraphrasing... If you knew my glass of water was poisoned, and you let me drink it, would you not be an accomplice to my murder? Well, supporting abortion is like letting someone drink that water......

My first Toronto Pride

Last weekend, I went to Toronto pride for the first time. It was such an incredible experience... I would like to just mention a few things about it, then relate it to an experience I had yesterday where an acquaintance repeatedly told a homophobic joke even after I pointed out that it was inappropriate.

There was one particular moment at pride that I think I will remember forever. I was watching the parade with my partner and a friend. Towards the beginning of the parade, there were a few groups that made me think about how much things have changed over the past decade. For example, school teachers were marching. Now, I do not recall there being any teachers who were 'out' and able to march in parades at any of the 4 high schools I attended, but I do recall a lot of teachers being made fun of for having non-gender typical traits and called many derogatory names. This was in the late 1990s.

Soon afterwards, there was a group of students representing Catholic high school students' attempts to establish GSAs at their schools, which made me think about how far we have left to go. When these students walked by, one of whom I recognized from a newspaper article, I got quite overwhelmed and actually cried. It made me think about how different my life might have been if I had access to this type of a group when I was a teenager.

I almost cried again when I saw the product placements, but in an entirely different way. There were pink razors being handed out to women from a portable bathtub looking thing that was being pushed by a few people (which reminds me, I was surprised by the fact that I didn't see another pair of unshaven legs on someone I would have identified as female). There were also the TD boys, men in little green underwear that represent the main corporate sponsor. I was intrigued by the lack of half naked females selling things... it seems within the queer community, men take over the role of objectified body. Even outside of advertising, the women whose bodies were not covered with clothing rarely conformed to hegemonic standards of beauty.

There was another aspect of pride that bothered me. By Sunday afternoon, Church Street was littered with garbage. I wish I had taken pictures of the amount of trash on the street. It didn't help that vendors and groups were pushing their leaflets and pamphlets, which were later tossed aside, or that there were relatively few employees emptying trash cans (all people of color that I saw). It just reminded me of kids trashing a house at the end of the night... still, the people were pleasant and the atmosphere was good.

Yesterday, after returning home from Pride, there was an incident that made me wish I were back in that atmosphere again (not the litter, but the more open and accepting environment that I experienced, especially on the Friday, which was referred to as Trans Pride Day). I play on the graduate student baseball team... we are in the lowest division and have never won a game, but it is usually still fun. The other team had a player on third base, and one of my teammates made a comment/joke insinuating that the player enjoyed spending a lot of time on his knees.

The player who this had been said to and the other people on my bench started laughing until I pointed out that it was a somewhat homophobic thing to say (implying that a man performing oral sex on another man is a bad or humorous thing). At this point, the group had stopped laughing and kind of looking around awkwardly, except for the guy who made the joke who repeated it more loudly. A friend of mine on the team walked over to me and started asking me about Pride weekend, I am assuming so that the other people would get the hint and stop speaking that way, which seemed to work for the time being.

When the inning was over and the rest of the players on my team came back to the bench he repeated the joke again, to which I responded something along of the lines of "Nice, tell the homophobic joke in front of the lesbian couple". I am not entirely happy with that wording because it implies that it would be ok to tell the joke if there were no identifiable queer people around, but I just responded without taking too much time to think about it. He shot me a dirty look, but nobody laughed at him this time, I am assuming because they were afraid of offending me.

I also think that it is weird that in some instances, such as this one, I feel compelled to say something about what I consider to be hateful speech. Yet, when people are directing it towards me (see here), I freeze and cannot say anything. Like, on a streetcar returning from Pride events in Toronto, a man was poking me and referred to me to my partner as her 'boyfriend' (even though I am not particularly masculine). Again, I froze... luckily, she knows me well enough to understand when I cannot respond and told him to leave me alone.